The Why…

From an early age, I was fascinated with the "why" of things. I wasn't as interested in the usual questions children ask ; why is the sky blue or where do babies come from? I was more interested in why people do what they do. Why do parents yell at their kids? Why do people get divorced ? Why are people worried and nervous? Why aren’t more people happy?  

Adults would reprimand me for eavesdropping on their conversations, they considered it rude, but I was on a mission, searching for clues that would give me insight into their behavior. I believed that if you understood why someone behaved a certain way, then it would be easy to help them change. 

When I was older, I went into broadcasting and made a career out of observing and talking to others. I even went so far as to leave broadcasting to become a therapist. Through all of this, the conclusion I came to was; change was really hard for most people, and change was certainly hard for me. 

I noticed that when people's circumstances forced them into an unwanted situation, "change is good," was not the first thing they uttered. I also observed that just knowing why they did something, even if that something made them miserable, didn't necessarily mean that they would have the motivation or the skills to make the changes they wanted. 

Even when they had a strong desire and intention to behave differently, it seemed as if a million reasons surfaced to keep their lives exactly the same.

The How…

The question of "why" remained interesting, but I became more curious about the "how" of change.  I learned to support both the “why and the how” of change through the practice of Motivational Interviewing. Motivational Interviewing is a guiding style of communication that enhances a collaborative partnership with the client by exploring the natural ambivalence that occurs when one is facing change.  

It is important to feel seen and heard when breaking free of one's status quo. The non-judgemental conversational style of Motivational Interviewing evokes a person's own reasons for change by helping resolve ambivalence and build confidence in ones capacity for change. 

This approach not only affirms the capacity for change in others, but it has also lessened my own challenges with change. As the ancient Greek philosopher, Heraclitus, said, "The only thing that is constant is change." Through the process of having motivational conversations, we can find a way to affirm  that "change" can indeed be good.